One September evening, not so long ago, Alex and I sat down to think of as many possible, reoccurring segments to fit into a format show as was humanly possible. It was an evening filled with puns, giggles, but mostly a lot of sitting around feeling like we didn’t have enough segments to fill up an entire video. However, when it came to shooting and editing all of the segments that we’d come up with, it turned out that we had enough footage for a 20 MINUTE video. Fortunately, most of the segments weren’t humorous enough (for my liking) to make the cut, but I thought I’d use this opportunity to talk about the segment ideas that never were.
What a pretty face
1) Letters -- Fairly self explanatory, originally the video was going to start off with the two of us reading out a bunch of fake letters. Every single letter contained the word “glockenspiel” for no apparent reason, and one of the letters included an embarrassing photo of our friend Lex, just to annoy her. You will find said photo to the left.
2) Teal or no Teal -- Just like Deal or no Deal, but not like Deal or no Deal at all. The basic premise was that Alex would show me a colour, ask me the all important question: Teal or no Teal, and then it was up to me to identify whether the colour was indeed teal, or some other colour. For the curious, the answer was “no teal” -- no teal indeed.
3) Tea Break -- Again, this one’s a bit obvious. Actually most of them are a bit obvious so I’ll stop mentioning how obvious they all are from now on. This one was due to come in at the middle of the “episode” as a break for the studio audience and ourselves, where we would drink some tea, talk about tea, and then dance manically for five seconds before moving on.
4) Alex’s Love Advice -- I was a bit sad to get rid of this one, but it was one of the segments which dragged on a bit unfortunately. Alex looked into the camera, using words to paint the picture of a hypothetical and seemingly successful romantic relationship in the mind of the viewer. Then, slowly, Alex becomes more manic, going on to say that the man in the relationship is a liar, a cheat, and a soul devouring monster. The camera zooms in, the screen goes red, Alex’s voice becomes a booming, echoey monster all in itself … and then the camera quickly zooms out and Alex, nonchalantly, says “maybe you should dump him.” It was hilarity itself.
5) Charlie’s Lovin’ Spice -- I talked a little bit about how I love spice, and about how my favourite spice is currently black pepper. And there wasn’t anything more to it than that.
6) Face/Replaced -- A blast from the past! Who remembers Face/Replaced? I sure do, but for those new to the game, Face/Replaced was a blog that I ran for a short time, where I encouraged people to send me pictures of themselves holding things in front of their faces, “replacing” their faces, as it were. For the video, Alex and I showed some of the more recent pictures we’ve received, even though we don’t update the blog anymore. Sorry about not updating the blog anymore, by the way.
7) Pillow Fight -- A while ago, the lovely Roberto at Throwboy pillows sent Alex and I some darling RSS pillows, and I’ve been meaning to find a way to mention them in a video for a while. Then the idea for a pillow fight came about, which was fun to do, but not actually that much fun to watch, regardless of the fact that I wrote a little pillow fight song to go with it. The pillows will make an appearance soon Roberto, I promise! Roberto probably doesn’t read my blog, what the hell am I doing.
8) International Correspondence -- A favourite YouTuber of mine for many years, this was a chance of me to include the brilliant Frezned in one of my videos, and to publicise his brilliance, but I totally missed the opportunity. The idea: instead of having a report from an international correspondent, we had a chat with someone over the pond, some international correspondENCE -- get it? We’re so funny. It was Alex’s idea.
9) Facebook Statuses -- Yet more “Face Friday” related fun that didn’t make the cut. In this segment, Alex and I would plan to read our favourite, funny facebook statuses that we’d found that week, but then remember that we don’t actually have Facebook pages and therefore can’t complete the segment. What fools we were to not realise this oversight before deciding to film the segment! Ho ho ho.
10) The Seggment -- The Seggment is like a normal segment, but egg related, hence the sEGGment. This is the only one that we didn’t film actually, the plan was to go out to our local Tesco and by some eggnog, because we’ve never tried it before and figured that it would be a bit disgusting. But alas, it was the last segment we were set to film, and it involved going all the way to Tesco. We just couldn’t be bothered, lazy bums.
11) Alex’s Current Book -- In which Alex tells you a little bit about the book that he’s currently reading, which for those interested is “Specials” from the Uglies series. The book had a massive face on the cover too, which would be gone well with the Face Friday theme of things. Unfortunately, the segment was just a clip of Alex talking about the book he was currently reading, and therefore wasn’t very funny.
12) Charlie’s Pensive Look -- I liked this one too, but it only really worked in the context of coming after Alex’s Current Book. I gave the camera a pensive look, and that was it. Comedy genius, like all of the segments we decided to cut. And just like all of the segments that appeared in the final thing, of course.
13) Who Wants To See What Alex Wears - Sing to the theme of “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire” -- here, Alex shows off what outfit he’s currently wearing. If you have a look in the episode you can see his clothing choice for the day, he’s clad in what we both gladly dubbed a “Young Steve Jobs” look, with a bit of Essex thrown in for good measure. The segment involved Alex telling you about his getup, so that you too could look like Alex Day.
14) Horoscopes -- Alex and I are of the opinion that Horoscopes are a bit silly, and so we read each other’s horoscopes for the day, which were: “Sending a positive text message changes the mood of a good friend” and “Paying off your credit cards does wonders for your finances” -- a pair of glaringly obvious statements that could apply to anyone at any time. Don’t know what else we were expecting, really.
15) Cake Talk -- Ah, but wait! This segment actually does make an appearance in the video, but right at the end, completely out of context, which I think made it a bit funnier. The premise of this one was to pick a topic, shove some cake in our mouths, and then try and talk about the topic. We chose politics … could you tell?
So, that’s a sum up of all of the bits that didn’t make it. As a reward for bothering to read this and find out about them all, I’ll let you in on a few secrets: Other than the obvious one, Emma Watson’s face doesn’t actually appear anywhere else in the video. Also, if you call the number given after the competition question (with a +1 added if you’re outside the US) then it will actually do something. Allow you to enter the competition? Well, you’ll have to find that out for yourself.
Also, as another prezzie, here’s an audio file of all of the songs that I recorded for the individual segments, the ones that didn’t make the cut, the ones that did, and the theme tune to go over the ending credits which never were. I would also promise to edit together a 20 minute version of the video for you all, but we all know what happens when I promise to do things: they never happen. Thanks for reading, I love you!
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